Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
