I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
