he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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