Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
