the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
