Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
