is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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