his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
