the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
