I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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