Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
