I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize