now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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