she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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