Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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