I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was born a porn star she said
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
