They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
