hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
