Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm too high and old for this...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
