I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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