This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
