Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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