I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
