I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
