Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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