She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't deserve a penis
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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