I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dick very happy bro
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
