i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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