would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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