needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
