eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize