What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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