broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
