I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
