He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
