I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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