Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
