so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
