did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
