Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
