I wish I could punch you in the face.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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