Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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