Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
