My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
