Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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