So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Everything about him screamed your future.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
