omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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