his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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