Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize