let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
