Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
