fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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