they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
