I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
