you would pick up someone in the library
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize