Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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