smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
