so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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