If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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