My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
