One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
