everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
