well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
