I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
