so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
