nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
