I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
