We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
