My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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