I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
