Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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