the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
