It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
