ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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